A Serendipity

Having a baby is like getting a serendipity for me. I get so many surprises in my life. Happy, annoying, sad, excited, proud, angry happens at one time. I grow my baby in firm way. Sometimes, I regret it. I look at her face while she's sleeping and I feel like I am the most cruel mom in the world. How can I shout at her when I first born her and carried her for almost 10 months in my womb. Ahhhhh.... No idea... When I am getting frustrated with others problems, I sometimes also get angry to her. It's just really not fair for her 😭😭😭😭😭 

Ya Allah... Pardon my all bad attitude. I want to change being better but when she begins to go uncontrolled I will shout again. I love her. I really love her. It's impossible if I don't love her. Pardon your bad mommy darl 😭😭😭😭😭... She loves me much much much more than I love her. I am always the first person who's called by her. Everything.... She puts all her life on me. I am so happy. This is a new experience. A feeling  and sensation to be "hero". 

It reminds me of my mother. She is the best mom I think. She introduced me of love. Love that undeniable great. Ahhhh.... I miss the feeling of getting nail cut in the morning, when i woke up, and realized that it was my mom who did it when i slept. It was so calming and ridiculous. But I feel one thing at that time, Love...

When will I be matured to grow my daughter in better ways? I should change. The new year is coming.... This is my resolution. Change. Being a better mom for my daughter. 😭😭😭😭 I have to. I love her. Time is running. She will grow fast. I don't want her growing with my bad attitude 😭😭😭😭 It will affect her personality. It's really not good for her future 😭😭😭😭... 

Bismillah, semangattttttt!!!!!!!

                            "Serenade"


Jika saja sang hujan mampu berkata,
Bertanya lah ia pada awan,
Mengapa kau leburkan aku dalam kalutmu wahai awan...
Sang awan pun bersua,
Kuleburkan kau dalam bahagia,
Hanya saja kau tak mengerti maksudku wahai hujan...

Jika saja sang jerebu mampu berkata,
Bertanya lah ia pada angin,
Mengapa kau tiupkan aku dalam asa mu wahai angin...
Sang angin pun bersua,
Kutiupkan kau dalam kenangan yang tak akan pernah tergerus masa,
Hanya saja kau tak mengerti maksudku wahai jerebu...



Desember, 2018

Yang Terlupakan

Been a longggggg time i didn't visit this blog. Maybe I am just too busy baking :). I am so curious to try so many recipes I got from instagram. I even baked a cheesecake recently. What a magic! and that's all I learn manually from others through INSTAGRAM. Seriously, Instagram really made my days and inspire many things on my life.
But.... IT seems that Those Instagram and all the the things inside can be a boomerang on my daily life. Sometimes, I pay less attention into my daughter whenever I am too focused playing on Instagram. That's the bad effect I think. or does it just depend on person. I mean maybe I have to control when the suitable time to play instagram, for example I can play Instagram only if my daughter sleeps. Aaaahhh... huahmmmmm Why is it so boring today wkwkwkwkw.
Aaaaa... i want to share my writing on this blog. Maybe next time I will write my short stories here.

Taking a break on Social Media?

Hayyy everyone. 
nice to see you again..
It's been a while I didn't post something in this blog. It's been so hectic recently. Hectic with my own heart I mean🤣. 
Hemmm.... Today I was so upset with my self.  I don't know, just feeling blue,  upset with the reality, reality that I am a fulltime Mommy.
The story began from a whatsapp message.  Suddenly,  I got a message from my college friend. You can say we were close at that time. We kinda had same interest and we clicked as a sister who talked about anything from fashion,  make up, everything. Can you believe that that's a boy.
And today,  he sent me a message. He asked me whether I open a new business in baking things. Actually,  I was pretty surprised. We don't make any contact for a long time. Then, suddenly he asked me about that thing. Hemmm.... I said that I didn't make any business on baking things. Its just my new hobby. Guess what,  he also complained why I uploaded so many pictures showing my baking result on my instagram. I was honestly getting annoyed with him. I answered that I am just too curious recently on baking, I wanna have fun,  spending time,  bla bla bla....
And he said bla bla bla,  as the conclusion he complained that Isn't it too wasteful for me to stay at home as fulltime mommy glancing to my past with high professionalism and dedication in English,  teaching especially.
Oh My God, it's very surprising...
Then I looked at mirror, seeing my self, wearing a daster, messy hair, dull skin, ahhh....
Is it me?
I was thinking hard, how I was changing from the old me. Me, when I was so professional,  speaking English, having presentation, teaching English, as a career woman, having something on my shoes to step on, bright and shinning, with make up on point, tight skirt..   Damn, I am just kinda missing it....
And now,  look at the mirror, how dull I am...
My Goodness,  that's me now...
And I am crying, cry for reality and condition that makes me stay home as a dull woman.
In addition, he said something implied that "please stop uploading your baking result, it just make you be downgrade, you are not Sekar that I've known"
Okay, take a deep breath and think clearly.
okay,  Yes,  it does. It's me now, new me...
Okay,  lets say that I am downgrade, so different from old me, that's true. Of course I am a different person now. I have a daughter that I have to take care of, I have my family-life right now. I am not a same person as yesterday.
I couldn't hand this by my self. I told my hubby about this while he was washing the dishes (*tega benerr 😂😂😂).  He just sighed at the first time.  Then,  I told that I wanted to go back teaching and working.  I was so upset with my self, bla bla bla. And It ended as my time for contemplating about my self right now. He told me some stories about motherhood, how important a mom accompanying her children at home,  bla bla bla.  And then I realized one thing,  Ouhhh so,  here he is. He really wants me to stay home, fulltime, take care our daughter, and focus on her. Hemmm,  I've always thought that he didn't concern with this matter very much.  And now, he really makes me contemplate that I have to stay home with no doubt. 
Hemmm,  how about the downgrade? I don't know but I thought Do I need to take a break on my all social media for a while? My hubby also told me, all this things are up because of social media.  Yaaa, I know it.  Social media has affected my life so much. Social media has a huge effects toward my life.  I am kind of a "baperan" person. He told that for an "easily-touchy"  person like me,  social media is not suitable.
It's really okay if I can be "easy-going"  person with all people say about me.  I have my own life, and if I post it on my social media,  of course they will see, talk, compare, and also complain. Ahhh,  I then think hard,  soooo,  what is the function of social media.  God,  why they create social media. My life is getting complicated by using social media. It's not the first time my life annoyed by social media,  status,  etc.  But,  Social media has inspired me, too. Ahhh,  it's really frustrating. 
Then My husband said, it's okay if I still want to use social media,  but I just have to focus on my own "glass".  No need to sad,  upset,  or worried if they something about my life. It's the risk of using sosial media. and I don' t need to take care of others' problems. They have their own life, too as much as me.  Using sosial media for getting inspiration and inspiring othera are just okay.
About my friend's message, just go with it, he has right to say his idea but never have it deeper,  no need to think it till the bottom of the heart.  Let it be as a funny argument from an old friend that do not know "the new me". The new me, as a mom, dull,  but my family love me, as they put high hope on me. They need me more than my egoism to go back working.  Let it be dull and not shinning and pretty how it was, This is me right now. ahhhh,  love you both 😘😘😘
hahhhh.... so relieved...
okay, It's enough for today.
See yaaa on the next post. 

Love being My Own

   Hellouwww There....
   I am not sure whether you (I mean anybody) read my blog or not.  But,  it's fun to share my feeling here.

  Itu kenapa sih pajang pajang foto ruang tamu segala? wkwkwkwk... Iya,  rumah saya itu gedenya beneran cuma se upil... Rumah subsidian yang gedenya cuma type 36/60... yang pas bangunannya juga serah lo dahhh... penting jadi, berdiri ada wujudnya... Ya maklum aja sih, ada harga ada rupa,  What do you expect from this kind of home living type? Tapi kita sayangggg sekaleeee sama rumah upil ini..   so tiny and warm (engep iya 🤣)... Enggaklahhh..   Rumah mini ini kita (kitaaa??!!  suami gua aja kaliii?!) dapatkan dari hasil jerih payah kami, masih kpr 12 tahun lagi,wjwkwkwk...

Nyaman,  hangat,  dan akrab...
   Saya sudah betah tinggal disini.  Perasaan betah itu susah susah gampang untuk di dapat.  Betah karena terbiasa atau memang betah cinta? Saya betah sekali buat duduk menikmati setiap jengkal hasil kreatifitas kami berdua (saya dan suami) dalam men dekor rumah mungil ini. I'm just too love to have a seat,  having my me time,  just sit on the sofa with the glimpse of the lamp in the evening,  Aahhh It's so comfortable to end the hectic day in the night. Perasaan ini yang kadang membuat saya terlalu malas untuk keluar rumah. Bukan apatis sih ya,  lebih ke I love being my own and my fam. kalau sore sih ya suka nongkrong bareng ibu ibu kompleks 😂.

   Jadi nyaman seperti sekarang itu bukan hal yang instan begitu saja lho.  Ada cerita yang terselip di setiap perubahannya. Setiap detail yang kami perbaharui,  ada keringat suami yang kerja bagai quda 😂🤣, kadang di sisipi belas kasihan mertua yang nyumbang juga.

   We kindly beautified this house one by one.  We haven't pimped the kitchen yet, but we have beautified the front yard as our simple veranda.

   Begitulah mungkin cara kami bersyukur, kami nggak ngoyo juga sih,  seadanya rezeki aja.  Kalo pas Diparingi rezeki dan sekiranya cukup ya kita jalan renov. Setelah renov depan itu saya nya masih malesss srkali buat mbangun2.  It's just I am not ready for the mess. Jadi pas Alhamdulilah dapet rezeki, akhirnya kita (saya ding,  suami mah oke oke aja asal positif,  ha? positif? apanya iniiii yang positifff?!  😂... positif kegiatannya maksud nya).

   Jalan lah kita, pasang wallpaper,  beli sofa bed, hiasan2 dekor yang kayak di Instagram. homedecor tu nohhh..   Perhatian ya,  Saya ini tipe mamak yang gampang terpengaruh sosmed.  Asli sempet kepikiran off main IG apa yaaa.  Kalau saya nya nggak bisa punya pendirian bisa bangkrut eimmm...

    Sebenarnya Paksu nggak terlalu mempersoalkan sihhh, asal nggak yang kebangetan sampe minta tas hermes asli begitu 😂😂 Ya iyalah,  duit siapa lagi, toh mempercantik rumah juga buat dinikmati bareng.

   Saking niatnya, itu saya sampai beli rak lerberg ike* segala lhoh pemirsahhh. .  beli bebungaan,  pot rotan, bla bla bla,  eimmm,  dan sekarang ini saya lagi nungguin paket karpet datanggg 🤣🤣🤣 Can't waittttt....

   Awalnya sih mau tema scandinavian yang model minimalis monokrom gitu, tapi kok lama kelamaan hiasan nya malah jadi ngarah ke shabby minimalis wkwkwkwk. .  Yawis lah ya,  ngga usah tema tema an segala,  tema nya gado2 bae lah... kalo suka, dan cucok,  ya udah beli, eittttsssss ini buka pamer lho ya sodara sodara,  karena barang yang saya beli itu ga mulu yang mahal kok... sebisa mungkin saya pasti cari yang palinggg murceee,  namanya juga emak2 🤣🤣.

   Saya juga bebikinan DIY an sendiri sih, hiasan dinding yang dari talenan,  stik es krim nyang begonoh2 saya bikin sendiri. So satisfying..

    Sekarang ini, Rumah kami ya masih jauh dari kata sempurna. Sumpahhh, dapur nya saja masih makadam, belum di lantai keramik 🤣. Kamar pun masih berantakan. Yang rapi ya sebenarnya mah baru ruang tamu dan teras. wkwkwkwk... gitu lagaknye cem homedecor lover sejati wae 😒.  Ini namanya semangat bu ibu pak bapak. We have to motivate our selves. InsyaAllah kalau punya mimpi hidup kita akan lebih terarah. Bersyukur,  Bersyukur,  Bersyukur atas apa yang sudah kita punya. Itu sih biat saya kuncinya. 

      Kalo ide nya sih sudah seliweran terus di kepala,  kepingin tar dapur di hias bla bla,  kamar bla bla, laundry room. bla bla, tapi baiklah, sabarrrrr Allah pasti nanti akan kasih rezeki nya. Kalau buat saya, nggak ada salahnya kok kita punya planning di kepala. Yang belum bisa saya lakukan itu kalau lagi ngebrt maksimal suatu barang terus budget memfettt tapi nggak tahan,  akhirnya beli, wkwkwkwj..   semoga saya jadi better day by day.. Udah berusaha nahan kokkk..  *alesan 🤣🤣

     Pesen saya,  buat kalian yang begitu inginnya merubah hunian jadi lebih manusiawi tapi budget terbatas,  jangan patah semangat, kita bisa kok ngimpulin printilan2 kecil sebelum renov besar-besar an... dan teruslah bermimpi yukkk... karena mimpi itu nggak perlu bayar pajak. 

      Sekian dulu ya,  si bayik sudah teriak kelaperan...

Baking on Point

Morning universe...
Thanks God for the breath that you give to me...

Today, I am in the mood to write about my new hobby.  I loveeeee baking recently,  a simple baking I mean 🤣.  It came so sudden and unpredictable. Yaa,  How come a super lazy woman like me going to kitchen and baking something? Though,   I am just too lazy to cook my daughter's food.
Ha Ha Ha,  one of my closest friend did it. What does it mean? Sooo, She urged me to buy oven and began to do baking. And guess what,  I did it.  I bought a new oven and I started baking. I baked simple recipe at first.  When I was success and the result was nice (I mean at least it's edible 🤣🤣),  I would feel something great in my mood.  I don't know what it is. But,  I felt so happy and excitedddd at the same time. The feeling while we were waiting the baking result,  It was like ouhhhh..   nervous, happy, curious...
I am not overact. It really happens everytime I bake something. And I am kindly addicted to this activity. I find some fun here. And I loveee it.
As a newbie, I bought an electricity oven,  Kirin KBO 19-LW series. It was 575.000 rupiahs when I took it on July 2018. It's not too expensive,  is it? It's good to use so far. I've been making friend with this oven to know it deeply.  I mean you do need to understand deeply the characteristic of your oven because baking depends on your feeling.  Ahhh I write something like an expert. Forget it😂  I am still a newbie, indeed.  I do not make some review about this oven here because you can find so many reviews from the baking expert out there.
As a mom,  I got some positive sides from this activity. Ha ha aha, we can have a snack anytime we want.  Doing by my self, it saves money makkkk🤣🤣🤣...  We can save much money as we used buy snack and now,  we just make it by our selves.  Sometimes, It help me to have a bonding time with my daughter. She is always enthusiast baking with me.  How niceee 😍😍😍 but also hectic at the same time 😥😥. ..  just imagine how chaos the condition having the baby playing flour everywhere and cracking the eggs...  fiuhhhhhh...
Next I'll post some recipes that I have (successfully)  made 😂😂..
See ya in the next post.    Have a great weekend..

Being A Vegan?

So excitedddd to have my second post....
Semoga bukan anget anget tahi ayam yaaa..
So, I open this post by showing that picture. It's a bowl of mix salad. Ya, Does it look so tempting? For me,  it's heaven. I do enjoy and love the taste way too much. But why? Meaty food is more yummy than a bowl of green things above,  isn't it?
How if becoming a Vegetarian? Have you ever thought being a vegan one day? I did, yaaa sebenarnya sih belum totally vegan,  I am just into that life style right now. Belum totally vegan katena masih mengonsumsi ikan, telur, dan sometimes juga susu dalam bentuk olahan. Dan masih bisa konsumsi olahan ayam seperti sosis, dan yang begitu begitu 😂.
Saya juga masih bingung sih sebenarnya mau kemana arahnya. Kalau dibilang nahan ya nahan, kalau ditanya masih doyan daging dan ayam?  ya doyan, mau mah mau, tapi kumaha eta tehh, saya sudah berkomitmen meminimalisir konsumsi zat makanan yang terlalu tinggi lemak nya.
Whenever I am craving of eating chicken,  I will consume local chicken.  "Local chicken"  segala ini apa sih sebenarnya bahasa eike 😂😂.  Ayam kampung maksud saya.  Iya, jadi kalau pas pengen makana ayam,  ya saya pesen ayam kampung ke mamang tukang sayur kompleks. Terus gimana kalo pas makan diluar? Sometimes I am going too far. I will take chicken or meat on my plate. Tapi kalau kadang ada yang nyelip ketelen juga yowes lah, masak mau dimuntahin 😂.
That's why I say that I am not totally being vegan. Everyday I consume more fruit and veggies. Kalau pas ngerasa kurang gizi banget ya makan ikan ikanan (atau seblak 🤣). I love making my own salad at home because you can add and mix everything you want in your bowl. Sampai nyetok Olive Oil buat dressing lho.
Manfaat yang di dapat? banyakkkkk... Since I change my eating style, I lost so much weight.  And it affected my body's health. Cholestrol in my blood was getting lower and lower. Ceritanya panjang sih kenapa saya sampai peduli ke urusan kolestrol segala. Intinya saya pernah masuk dalam fase terlalu gemuk setelah lairan. Dan Tekanan darah saya sempat beberapa kali naik lumayan tinggi. Dari situ saya bertwkad lah merubah life style. Minimal jadi lebih sehat lah.
Ga cuma itu kok, menyenangkan sekali lho menjadi semi vegan itu. Veggies and fruit are not that bad.  They are sooooo ridiculously tasteful. I can't consume meat or chicken,  but I have soybean cake and tofu which are so yummy to eat. Mushroom is way better than meat. Peduli amat tuap hari belanaja yang di beli bayem,  sawi,  toge,  bayem, sawi,  toge, tempe, tahu, kembali ke atas lagi 🤣.
Ini yang suka protes lebih ke suami sih doalnya saya jadi ribet banget kalau diajaknmakan di luar. Muter kemana mana ujungnya yang di beli cap cay, gado-gado, mentok nasi timbel yakalik eike makan nasi sama lalap sambel nya doang  😑.
It's been my choice to have my life in that way.  Ya kalau dibilang ribet ya ribet. Dan satu hal lagi yang saya jadi ngeh, hidup sehat itu mahal lho. Bagaimana ga mahal, minyak kalau yang minyak kedelei harganya bisa dua kali lipat minyak sawit biasa, belum minyak salad yang harganya sangat ga ramah di kantong. Ayam juga, Harga ayam kampung jauh di atas harga ayam negeri. Tapi ya kalau memang sudah komitmen demi kesehatan ya mau bagaimana lagi sih ya, setengah ikhlas g ikhlas 😂 ikhlas ding yaa..  ya kan pah,  ikhlas kan pah (*towel2 si papah).
After a few months going on with this diet, I am really falling in love with fresh greeny food. There will be a kinda missing thing if I don't consume vegetables in one day.
O iyaaa,  saya juga sudah ga mau lagi konsumsi minuman kemasan lho, something like coke, sweet canny drinks, etc. paling pol juga aqu* botol dingin. Sebisa mungkin menghindari makanan dan minuman yang terlalu sweet cem sirop ato susu,  coklat, yang begituan dah pokoknya.  (Berat amat ya mak hidup kau ni😅).  Mie kemasan juga sih, tapi masih suka cheating seminggu sekali. Yang paling susah itu mengurangi GORENGAN. I have a love-hate relationship with this lovely food.  Hate pas mau buka mulut,  Love pas ngunyah dan nelen,  terus hate lagi pas sudah masuk perut 🤣🤣.  Ya udahlah ya, kasihani saya, mau lauk apa kalau gorengan juga ga boleh. Makanya saya bilang juga Vegetarian musiman. Kalau pas nyuapin anak, sosisnya ketinggalan ga abis,  ya masuk mulut emaknya HA HA HA.
Pantesan yah banyak pepatah bilang kalau berubah itu gampang,  yang susah itu Istiqomah nya makkk..   yahhh Doakan saja lah, semoga saya selalu di jalan yang benar. At least We try and struggle for a better life and better health. Kalau bagian body yang yahud mah suami ga protes kok,  suwerrrr 😈.
Ahh I do enjoy writing... rasanya kayak bisa berak setelah konstipasi yang bikin ambeien..  Ha Ha Ha. ..
Okayyy, hope this post can (entertain) help motivating you to be better..  semangat hidup sehatttt!!!!
See ya on my next post..

Why It Should be A Blog?

Hai Everyone 😆

This is my first post ever..

I am so excited to write in this blog since I've wanted a long time ago.
Dulu sih udah pernah punya blog trus terlupakan dan udah g inget blog nya apa, seriously se bodoh itu wkwkwk...

I am a mother of a two years old daughter. As a young (and fresh 🤣) mommy, I'd like to share so many stories which I am not comfortable to share on my instagram or any other social media. 

This blog will be bilingual. I will write in Indonesian and also in English. 

My stories maybe will talk about motherhood, my hobby,  my daily life, etc. 

Emm...
Ini agak menyebalkan sih, dari tadi sudah nulis berkali2 dan eror mulu. Entah lupa ke save lah, apa lah,  apa lah, karena mungkin saya masih katrok dengan segala perlengkapan blog. Ya sudahlah ya, nanti juga terbiasa lama lama

Kenapa musti blog sih? 

Jadi begini,  

Actually I want this blog to recall my skills in writing English. Harap maklum eimmm saya lulus dari taun 2013, dan off kerja hampir 3 tahunan ini.  Apalah isi otak mamak mamak 27 tahun anak satu kalau bukan berkutat soal dapur,  uang belanja,  dan bersih bersih rumah, pengangguran lagi, Done! 🤣
I need something to refresh my mind and mediate my passion. also to renew my daily life to be more productive by writing of course.
Begini, 

Saya terbiasa post something on my social media using English.  Dan ternyata gak semua orang disekitar saya support dengan sikap saya. Sampai satu hari, ada gitu yang nyinyirin saya, yang dibilang "Keminggris"  lah, sok sok an lah..  Padahal mbok dilihat dari jaman orok, enggak ding,😂 dari jaman kuliah hampir selalu posting something in English karena apaaa yaaa, sudah terbiasa begitu... 

Okay, let's just get over it. 

That's why I then think that I should have a blog to explore my passion in writing. 

Sooo,  This is it, Here I come my new diary, 

a diary to share my stories, yang siapa tau bisa menjadi inspirasi to those who read it. Menginspirasi dalam artian siapa sih saya kok menginspirasi segala. Saya bukan siapa siapa sih,  tapi setidaknya who knows bisa jadi bahan preview ataupun discussion buat mommy mommy di luar sana yang mungkin secara kebetulan punya problem yang sama ataupun hal hal excited yang sama begitu. 

Thankyou 😊